I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
