And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
