A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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