When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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