I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i think my cat just said my name.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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