speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
