So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
