every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
