You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
