eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
