I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
