I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
