she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
