My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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