Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
