Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
