i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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