Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
