so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize