you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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