I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
