Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
