I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
