I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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