her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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