like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
