I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize