Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
