I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
