i'm signing you up for texting rehab
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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