sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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