apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
