You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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