How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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