Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
