Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
