KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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