They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
