i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
