Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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