Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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