I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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