He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
