if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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