listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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