Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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