k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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