i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
