You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
