All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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