I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
