Swine flu. Run for my life!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
