I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
