i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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