Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
