He had one of those small greek statue penises
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
