Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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