strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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