White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
