so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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