He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
