mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
