just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
