seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
