I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize