It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
