i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
