just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
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