I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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