i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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