I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
