Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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