I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
