You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize