kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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