lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
