Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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