his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
