nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
