just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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