just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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