How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
