Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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