TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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