Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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