Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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