My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
