Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
