Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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