Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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