He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
