i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
