I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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