If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
