His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Your dad touched me again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
