Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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