Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
