He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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