Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Verdict: uncircumcised.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
