Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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