when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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