I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
where are you?
Hypothermia
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
