you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
