dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
