my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Two words: nipple clamps
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