I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
