so that wasnt chicken after all
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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