He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
