Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
